Shattered
by torreslove
Summary: Callie and Arizona face the monumental task of repairing their broken home. Are they willing to take on the challenge? Picks up from the end of the Season 9 finale.


_Disclaimer: The Grey's Anatomy universe is owned by ABC and Shondaland. I neither own nor financially profit from these characters._

* * *

_Apparently I lost you…_

The words echoed through Arizona's head as she gawked, open-mouthed at her wife. How could the woman with whom she shared her life not see what was right in front of her? How could she not understand what was happening… no, what had _already_ happened to them?

"_You _lost _me_?! Callie, I've lost myself. You have no idea what it's like to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you. I live my life as a shell of the woman I once was. It's time for you to stop pretending the Arizona Robbins you married still exists."

The words sliced through Callie like a knife as she stood silently across the room from the woman with whom she shared a life, a marriage, a child. The distance between the two widened with every word spoken and every breath taken.

"I'm going home to pack a bag and then I'll check in at the Archfield Hotel." The words sprang from Arizona's lips before she could begin to question what this meant. Was this the end? Was she finally giving herself an opportunity to start living her life again without all of the stifling expectations put on her by her wife?

Those questions would be answered later. For now Arizona, pivoted on her heel and strode out the door never once looking back at the gutted woman she left behind.

Moving swiftly down the hall, striding towards her escape, Arizona was halted when a soft, yet strong arm reached out and stopped her in her tracks.

She turned and her blue eyes met light brown ones which shone with concern.

"Hey, how'd it go?" As the words tumbled from Lauren's lips, she felt how silly and trite they must sound. "_Smooth, Lauren, real smooth,"_ she internally berated herself.

Arizona looked back at her, dumbfounded. She couldn't do this right now… she might not ever be able to do this.

"Not now, Lauren. I need to go. Please, let me go." came the curt reply before the craniofacial specialist finally loosened her grip and Arizona quickly continued toward those double doors. The strong, but helplessly lost woman was unable to move quickly enough, though. In fact, she would never move quickly enough again. She wanted to sprint for the exit, run from this life she no longer recognized, but her wife had made the decision to leave here with only one leg. She hated herself, her wife, and that damn prosthetic for the millionth time since the accident and silently begged her body to hold off the tears until she was safely outside the hospital doors.

* * *

She knew that she'd been sitting in this chair for a long time, but Callie Torres had no idea how long. She couldn't count the seconds or the minutes she'd spent in this room because these seconds and minutes were rapidly turning into the first hours of a new life – a life without Arizona Robbins by her side. That very thought overwhelmed every fiber of Callie's being.

Slowly, she rose from the chair and consciously plastered on a neutral facial expression to replace the look of despair that had undoubtedly taken up residence on her face ever since the moment Arizona confirmed with simple eye contact that Callie had been cheated on, yet again. She pulled herself up and made her way downstairs to the day care.

"Mama!," Sofia yelled as she wrapped her chubby arms around a broken woman providing her mother a moment's solace from her nearly unbearable pain. Callie carefully dressed them both in their rain gear and clutched her daughter in her arms as they wandered out into the seemingly interminable storm and headed home.

Once inside their apartment, Callie made every effort to keep Sofia's routine as normal as possible. A quick dinner, bath time, her favorite pajamas, and a bedtime story. It was a perfect night in the midst of a horrific nightmare. As Sofia neared sleep, she turned to her mother and asked a one word question, "Mommy?"

Callie's heart broke all over again as she mumbled to her little girl, "Oh baby, Mommy's not home yet. You'll see her soon. Get some sleep, baby girl. I love you."

She slipped out of the room, poured herself a glass of wine and plopped on the couch in her quiet apartment – a much too quiet apartment. The silence of the room reinforced what Callie had always known about herself – she was expendable and destined to be alone. Arizona was only the latest in a string of lovers to leave Callie abandoned and alone. George turned to Izzie. Erica seemingly vanished from the planet. And now her own wife was preparing to leave because she blamed her for the loss of a limb and an inability to recognize herself in the fucking mirror?! These relationship failures were no longer a series of coincidences; they had become a disturbing trend. A trend that Callie had no difficulty drawing a conclusion from: she wasn't worthy of love.

She sprang from the couch to go to the one person who always took away this pain, the person who made her feel worthy, _her person_. Callie made it all the way to the hallway before remembering that Mark Sloan wasn't in the apartment across the hall. He wasn't at the hospital. He wasn't even off banging Lexie somewhere. Mark Sloan was gone and in that moment Callie shattered.

She slammed her apartment door and collapsed onto the floor. She called out to the empty room, "Mark, how could you leave us? Don't you know that I need you? Our daughter needs you! Oh God, Sofia. She's already lost one parent, Mark. What if Arizona never comes back? What if our baby girl has gone from having three loving parents to being left with just me? How can I possibly do this alone?"

Unable to control her emotions any longer, her chin fell to her chest and she wrapped her arms tightly around her body as sobs wracked her entire body. Her cries were primal and increasingly painful as her throat dried out. She couldn't stop the painfully real images of the life she recently knew and loved from flashing through her memory – Arizona kissing her in that filthy bar bathroom, Mark encouraging her to make it work with "Blondie," the first time she saw Sofia in Arizona's arms – and the memory which slowly sobered her, the memory of her wedding day.

A self-aware woman, Callie accepted that she possessed many flaws, but she was also quite proud of her own strengths and one of her greatest strengths was loyalty. On her wedding day she vowed to love Arizona Robbins in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. No matter what had happened over the past year, Callie had made those vows and she intended to continue to carry them out. Arizona had begged her not to run and she wouldn't, she couldn't, not yet.

Callie whipped out her phone and shot off a quick text.

_A, we have a lot to talk about, but know that Sofia and I are home safe. Good night, C._

Before she could lose herself waiting around for a reply text she knew would never come, she decided to make two phone calls.


End file.
